Drunk Shimoda: Deep Space Nine

Shimoda Power Rankings (post season 4) compiled by @colindinsmore

Main article: Drunk Shimoda

The DS9 rankings (post season 4):

• 16.5 - Sisko
• 14 - Quark
• 13.5 - Dr. Bashir
• 12.5 - O'Brien
• 9 - Garak
• 8 - Odo
• 7 - Morn
• 5 - Kira
• 4 - Jadzia Dax
• 4 - Nog
• 4 - Worf
• 3 - Jake Sisko
• 3 - Calvin Hudson
• 2.5 - Dukat

For the purposes of scoring, half points are awarded to characters who only share one of the hosts' distinction for that episode.

Deep Space Nine Episode List

Ep.	Name	Ben's DS	Reason	Adam's DS	Reason
Season One
179	Wormhole Ambergris (S1E01)	Thief who throws a mace	For how slowly he steals while Nog runs point	Sisko	For his crazy acid-trip delusion experiences
180	A Real Meet Scary	Garak	For smarmy charisma	Nana Visitor (or Kira)	For successfully leveraging her part into having a shorter haircut
181	The Red Bucket	The Angry Mob	For collectively seeing reason so quickly	Dr. Bashir	For continuing to walk into a wall with Dax
182	Nurk Goatse	Nurse Jabara	For acting surprised *every* time someone shows up in sickbay with aphasia	Quark	For his weird head-grab as the ship blows up at the end
183	Puts the Chew on the Other Ass	Tosk	For the level of incredulity he maintains while its revealed how multiple people are hunting him	Tosk	For his "crack shot" at the other hunters that somehow hits multiple people
184	Achilles' Ear	Extra behind Vash	At 28:26, as Vash leaves, being unable to contain his excitement to be on Star Trek	Six-fingered-bidder during auction	For being the "hastily-puddied on" sixth finger during the auction scene
185	Rura Penthe™ Brand Gavel	Trill Witness	For being there despite not wanting to answer questions.	Jadzia Dax	For not taking any action or perspective on her own life
186	A Choice of Incompetence	Ty	At 26:10, for leaving, and then having no idea where to go	Sisko	For shooting Bashir
187	Vaguely Nutcrackery	Kira	For her look when having to do the "____ count to four" routine	Jake Sisko	For the look of embarrassment on his face at 17:07 for ogling Bajoran girls
188	Heavy Lies the Lampshade (S1E10)	The Episode Writers	At the beginning, Nog says his essay was stolen by Vulcans, but then having it revealed that he's illiterate. Inconsistent excuses.	Wallace Shawn	For going through so much make up, but still being amazing as an actor
189	Hesher Emeritus	Croden	For terrible backstory	Croden	--
190	A Box that Does the Work	Kai Opaka	At 10:20, Opaka licks her lips in anticipation of the imminent crash	Lady reacting to Kai Opaka	At 40:30, woman in background strongly rejects Opaka's offer of help
191	A Troubling Amount of Knuck	Petit Sirah	At 26:26, maintaining eye-contact as he leaves the frame	Dr. Bashir	After ~5 min on the planet, Bashir becomes quippy despite his responsibilities (and basically being the It's Always Sunny Mac)
192	Bajoran Gothic	Old Farmhand	At 25:09, for his visible dejection about his struggle	Middle-aged woman looking at Jake raising his arm	At 14:10, Jake fist pumps by himself next to a woman drinking alone
193	Consensual Mornhammer	Kira	For taking her time during the revelation that what she sees on the screen isn't fully correct	Kira	For her expression describing "space oscillations"
194	Cotten Candy Thundercloud	Lwaxana	For the over the pants dick grab around 13:30	O'Brien	For talking about puppies to people who don't know what puppies are
195	Pins & Limp Thread	Jadzia Dax	Because her character is just generally silly despite being caught up in a conspiracy	Quark	For his overly-injured performance in the neck brace
196	Loaf is on the Pillow	[Same]	--	Guy at bar during stabbing	For taking a drink afterwards to try to establish his innocence
197	Space Butthole Curriculum	Guy in crowd during assassination scene at the end	For pointing at himself as if to say "I was there!"	Morn	For eagerly shaking hands with Vedek Bareil as he boards the station as if he cares about Bajoan spiritual leaders
Ep.	Name	Ben's DS	Reason	Adam's DS	Reason
Season Two
198	Irish Wank	Cardassian Guard	For his very silly strut going down the hill	Odo	For being oblivious in the face of danger (graffito & why are there no cameras on the Promenade?)
199	A Lotion For Everything and Everything in its Lotion	The Circle guy wearing no-sleeves during the fight	For knowing how cool he'd look for not skipping Arm Day	Bareil	For his creepy/funny seduction techniques (like showing women the box)
200	Limp Swagger	Jadzia Dax	For worrying about her robes while significant political change is occuring	Morn	For being confused about how to get off the station in the crowd scene
201	We Get Worse in Both Directions	Dr. Bashir	For how he hyposprayed the Klingon	Odo	Because if he cared about security, Quark would be in prison, and has not put up cameras
202	Lennying it to Death	Garak	For waking Bashir up by just *being* in his room	Garak	For the orphanage scene
203	Chekhov's Nose	Dr. Bashir	For his reaction to Melora talking about turning the gravity down, in an erotic way	Kira	For only uttering five words in the episode
204	Slickback Emeritus	Morn	[same]	Morn	For sleeping at a bench at the beginning of the episode to get into the bar as soon as it opens
205	The Canoe Has Ridges	Rom & Bajoran Murderer	For the same reason as Adam, and for the other guy, they way he plans out the murder	Rom	For when he says "Oo the Ironies!" and his car-alarm scream
206	They Went to Jake Clips	Mott the barber	For having been underappreciated when the guys reviewed TNG	Prof. Seyetik	For going out in a blaze of glory
207	One Horn Player Does Not Make an Artist Community	Nog	Doing pranks, doing bits, running around and being nuts	Quark	For growling, getting Nog out of jail, and generally acting really big
208	Knuck Spanx	Quark	For doing the play-by-play himself	Dr. Bashir	For his growing frustration with the empty sauces
209	We're Really Luxuriating in this Maron	?	Moment Shimoda for them not showing Jake & Nog when it pans to the upper walkway	Sisko	For being able to do a lot with little time
210	Apropos of Nothing (But Sort of What We Were Talking About)	Sisko	For his order at Quark's	The End of the Episode	The fact that they just cut to Keiko gasping and cutting to the exterior of the ship
211	Act-Drunk Adjacent	Replicant O'Brien	For his face when told that he and his wife are at home alone that night	Sisko	For holding off on telling Jake that O'Brien is a replicant
212	The Crystal Direction	O'Brien	For just punching the phaser button without caring what it's pointed at	Lady in purple at 40:53	For showing up in multiple shots in a way that breaks continuity
213	A Real Haranguing or Banging Conundrum	Jadzia Dax	Despite a long memory of how diplomacy works, simply telling all these people that they are holographic simulations	Colyus	For being a town bumpkin sheriff who says 'that was my favorite cloak' when they are demonstrating that they are holograms
214	A Really Remarkable Sign	Bolian olds at 15:20	For feeding each other at the Klingon restaurant	Anyone choosing not to destroy the universe	It's universe vs. universe
215	The Sooner We End This Episode The Sooner I Can Stop Looking At You	Garak	For biting a thread with his teeth	Engineer in cargo bay wide shot carrying coffee offering	[--]
216	The Loaf Forgives All	Albino's assistant	For being pointless during the fight scene	Kor	Knocking heads together, having a bunch of ladies together, enjoying the rest of his life
217	But Enough About My Butt	Gul Evek	When he has to wait outside with the body for the entire scene	Calvin Hudson	For his crushing turn at the end
218	Little Beef, Little Pork	Calvin Hudson	For being a foil for Sisko	Calvin Hudson	Because he deserves to have more than one Drunk Shimoda
219	20 mg Gummies Throughout	Quark	Because the security shutters are flimsy	Garak	For getting the drunkest
220	Conspiracy (Plus Ten Years)	The arm/hand coming into the frame at 27m to do double-Kira hands	For having big man-hands like the Seinfeld episode	The arm/hand coming into the frame at 27m to do double-Kira hands	[no explanation necessary]
221	Orb Refractory Period	Winn's purple old dudes	For existing	Bariel	For being contractually shirtless
222	Anachronistic Mustache	O'Brien	For taking a moment to consider a threesome	Boone	For being a chaos agent despite not really doing much
223	It's Like Her Hair Is A Cookie	Jake and Nog	Pulling out isolinear chips in the style of the original Shimoda	Captain Keogh	Terrible strategic thinking
Ep.	Name	Ben's DS	Reason	Adam's DS	Reason
Season Three
224	Perplexing Volume	Odo	For not telling anyone about what was going on inside him	Odo	For being unpredictable
225	Remmick Levels of Intensity	Dr. Bashir	For not healing O'Brien's very treatable injury	Kira	For being a third wheel
226	Secret Silk	Gowron	For throwing his pad away	Scene with Quark's financial presentation to the Klingons	For being a genuinely funny, well earned joke
227	Be The Industrial Mixer You Want To See In The World	Odo	For being a fish-out-of-water when whisking	Sisko	For threatening to destroy Trill culture
228	She Puts the Beige in Bajor	O'Brien	For taking a break by not really being in the episode	Garak	For taking it upon himself to kill a person whilst being a guest on an away mission
229	You Can Kill Them With Embarrassment	Quark	For being suckered into buying salvage through ear touching	Odo	Smiling
230	Pubescent Combadge	Dr. Bashir	For not thinking about grabbing a phaser until the death rays started back up	Garak	Unnecessarily accusing Dukat of having a crush on Kira
231	Mid-Brand Cigarette	Sisko	For his soft-focus placement in the shot at 19:00	O'Brien	The line read of "Long time between meals"
232	Big Commander Energy	Sisko	Being selectively outraged regarding rules	Sisko and Dukat	For looking at each other and then looking away multiple times
233	No Atheists in a Bajor Hole	Keiko	For stopping in the airlock doorway	Balls Guy	For turning the episode into a circus
234	They Found Him in Berkeley, They Left Him in Berkeley	Biddle	For calling Sisko "New boy"	O'Brien	For not admitting fault
235	Not Purple Sports Car Success	Sisko	For being late in understanding that he was Gabriel Bell	Chris Brynner	Not going through any crisis when making the decision to throw everything in his life away
236	A Very Tough Kouign Aman	Nog	For the way he annouces that "Money is good but women are bett-er"	60 year old Ferengi waiter	For being as old as the Nagus but still working in a bar
237	A Hundred Duck-Sized Odos	O'Brien	For having lots of off-screen fun hangs	Sisko	For the having the latitude and ability to be a chaos agent for good
238	Resting Prophecy Face	Bajoran security guard in the Cardassian ship	For awkward walking, seemingly not wanting to be on camera and for being on a Cardassian ship in the first place	O'Brien	The scene in the jefferies tube
239	Let Go and Let Horse	Red-shirt sitting down at the Carrington Award scene	For being stressed that he didn't offer his seat to a superior officer	Quark	For having a cavalier profound religious experience
240	Top PtaQ	Quark	For only caring about beating fate for profit	Dr. Bashir	For failing to see the magic in events
241	A Sarlacc Type of Mouth	Nurse Jabara	For not representing anything but 'Nurse'	Sisko	For not doing anything about Bashir dying
242	Uncle Terrans	Sisko	For taking a whole 5 seconds to recognize his wife	Sisko	For being a sex tourist in the Mirror Universe
243	You Went A to F U	Romulan Tal Shiar officer	For not playing games and answering all of Sisko and Odos questions	Odo	For taking a shot at Romulan tailoring
244	Ask the Husnock (If You Can Find Any)	Garak	For flipping off the room when turning on the torture device	Eddington	For 'Shimoda-ing' the Defiant's cloaking device
245	The Red Hammer Diaries	Morn	For listening in to Quark's conversation with Bashir and O'Brien from the staircase	Morn	Same
246	Space Dish	Quark	For having a squishy head	Dr. Bashir and O'Brien	Good awkward moment trying to break into Quark's Bar
247	Tomb of the Unknown Dick	Dr. Bashir	For being very concerned hearing that O'Brien is "in the zone"	Bajoran soldier that lost it in the canyon	For losing it in the canyon
248	(Straight out of) Episode 74	Sisko	For his stunt guy looking nothing like him	The art director	For making a sculpture of a dong going through a hole
249	O'Brien Fingers Bashir	Dr. Bashir	For his timing in revealing that he had been captured	O'Brien	Incredulity in the face of having 2 changelings in the room with him
Ep.	Name	Ben's DS	Reason	Adam's DS	Reason
Season Four
250	Tout Suite Goop Sweep	Quark	For pouring beer and root beer from the same coffee pitcher	Morn	For his "Fuck this" attitude and being the first person through the door when the bar re-opens
251	Barely Legal	Melanie	For self-inflicting a head wound for attention	Old Jake's Headband	For being jarring and standing out when it shouldn't
252	#ColonGoals	Jem'Hadar that gets given Ketracel White	For very casually administering the White to himself	O'Brien	Making a non lethal weapon to combat the Jem'Hadar
253	Emotionally Vulnerable for the Lulz	Dukat	For his incredibly tight and revealing pants	Dukat	Same
254	Uncle Magic	Dr. Bashir	Being the only person sitting down, and angling his chair to watch the drama	Worf	For his description of what his dreams are like
255	They Really Spent on the Sparks	Enrique Muniz	Trying to take his lunch break during an emergency	O'Brien	Nothing super specific, but his leadership style and fun faces when Worf is a dick
256	Alleged Loughlin	Worf	Putting Nog's tooth sharpener in his mouth without disinfecting it	Nog	For asking for, and receiving, a handjob
257	It’s a Neutral Sausage
258	Hoofs in the High Stakes Area
259	Tour Diaper
260	Back to One
261	Odo Needs a Dad
262	Klingon Thirst Trap
263	Weeaboo But For Klingons
264	Hair Metal Pinkertons
265	Dartboard Daddy
266	The Cal Hudson Altitude
267	Toolbox Full of Dildos
268	I Am Not Your Mom
269	Write Horny, Edit Sober
270	Hard to Hide a Gun in a Bathrobe
271	Measure Twice, See if You’re Cut Once
272	Mother Kevorkian
273	Until Your Face is as Blue as Your Shirt
274	Gowron Tweeted
Season Five
275