Drunk Shimoda: Deep Space Nine

Shimoda Power Rankings (post season 6) compiled by @colindinsmore

Main article: Drunk Shimoda

The DS9 rankings:

• 25.5 - Bashir
• 23.5 - Sisko
• 18.5 - O'Brien
• 17 - Quark
• 12 - Odo
• 9.5 - Kira
• 9 - Garak
• 8 - Morn
• 7.5 - Rom
• 7 - Jake
• 6.5 - Jadzia
• 6 - Worf
• 6 - Nog
• 4 - Weyoun
• 2.5 - Dukat

For the purposes of scoring, half points are awarded to characters who only share one of the hosts' distinction for that episode.

Deep Space Nine Episode List

Ep.	Name	Ben's DS	Reason	Adam's DS	Reason
Season One
179	Wormhole Ambergris	Thief who throws a mace	For how slowly he steals while Nog runs point	Sisko	For his crazy acid-trip delusion experiences
180	A Real Meet Scary	Garak	For smarmy charisma	Nana Visitor	For successfully leveraging her part into having a shorter haircut
181	The Red Bucket	The Angry Mob	For collectively seeing reason so quickly	Bashir	For continuing to walk into a wall with Jadzia
182	Nurk Goatse	Nurse Jabara	For acting surprised *every* time someone shows up in sickbay with aphasia	Quark	For his weird head-grab as the ship blows up at the end
183	Puts the Chew on the Other Ass	Tosk	For the level of incredulity he maintains while its revealed how multiple people are hunting him	Tosk	For his "crack shot" at the other hunters that somehow hits multiple people
184	Achilles' Ear	Extra behind Vash	At 28:26, as Vash leaves, being unable to contain his excitement to be on Star Trek	Six-fingered-bidder during auction	For being the "hastily-puddied on" sixth finger during the auction scene
185	Rura Penthe™ Brand Gavel	Trill Witness	For being there despite not wanting to answer questions.	Jadzia	For not taking any action or perspective on her own life
186	A Choice of Incompetence	Ty	At 26:10, for leaving, and then having no idea where to go	Sisko	For shooting Bashir
187	Vaguely Nutcrackery	Kira	For her look when having to do the "Allamaraine, count to four" routine	Jake	For the look of embarrassment on his face at 17:07 for ogling Bajoran girls
188	Heavy Lies the Lampshade	The Episode Writers	At the beginning, Nog says his essay was stolen by Vulcans, but then having it revealed that he's illiterate. Inconsistent excuses.	Wallace Shawn	For going through so much make up, but still being amazing as an actor
189	Hesher Emeritus	Croden	For terrible backstory	Croden	--
190	A Box that Does the Work	Kai Opaka	At 10:20, Opaka licks her lips in anticipation of the imminent crash	Lady reacting to Kai Opaka	At 40:30, woman in background strongly rejects Opaka's offer of help
191	A Troubling Amount of Knuck	Petit Sirah	At 26:26, maintaining eye-contact as he leaves the frame	Bashir	After ~5 min on the planet, Bashir becomes quippy despite his responsibilities (and basically being the It's Always Sunny Mac)
192	Bajoran Gothic	Old Farmhand	At 25:09, for his visible dejection about his struggle	Middle-aged woman looking at Jake raising his arm	At 14:10, Jake fist pumps by himself next to a woman drinking alone
193	Consensual Mornhammer	Kira	For taking her time during the revelation that what she sees on the screen isn't fully correct	Kira	For her expression describing "space oscillations"
194	Cotten Candy Thundercloud	Lwaxana	For the over the pants dick grab around 13:30	O'Brien	For talking about puppies to people who don't know what puppies are
195	Pins & Limp Thread	Jadzia	Because her character is just generally silly despite being caught up in a conspiracy	Quark	For his overly-injured performance in the neck brace
196	Loaf is on the Pillow	[Same]	--	Guy at bar during stabbing	For taking a drink afterwards to try to establish his innocence
197	Space Butthole Curriculum	Guy in crowd during assassination scene at the end	For pointing at himself as if to say "I was there!"	Morn	For eagerly shaking hands with Vedek Bareil as he boards the station as if he cares about Bajoan spiritual leaders
Ep.	Name	Ben's DS	Reason	Adam's DS	Reason
Season Two
198	Irish Wank	Cardassian Guard	For his very silly strut going down the hill	Odo	For being oblivious in the face of danger (graffito & why are there no cameras on the Promenade?)
199	A Lotion For Everything and Everything in its Lotion	The Circle guy wearing no-sleeves during the fight	For knowing how cool he'd look for not skipping Arm Day	Bareil	For his creepy/funny seduction techniques (like showing women the box)
200	Limp Swagger	Jadzia	For worrying about her robes while significant political change is occuring	Morn	For being confused about how to get off the station in the crowd scene
201	We Get Worse in Both Directions	Bashir	For how he hyposprayed the Klingon	Odo	Because if he cared about security, Quark would be in prison, and has not put up cameras
202	Lennying it to Death	Garak	For waking Bashir up by just *being* in his room	Garak	For the orphanage scene
203	Chekhov's Nose	Bashir	For his reaction to Melora talking about turning the gravity down, in an erotic way	Kira	For only uttering five words in the episode
204	Slickback Emeritus	Morn	[same]	Morn	For sleeping at a bench at the beginning of the episode to get into the bar as soon as it opens
205	The Canoe Has Ridges	Rom & Bajoran Murderer	For the same reason as Adam, and for the other guy, they way he plans out the murder	Rom	For when he says "Oo the Ironies!" and his car-alarm scream
206	They Went to Jake Clips	Mott the barber	For having been underappreciated when the guys reviewed TNG	Prof. Seyetik	For going out in a blaze of glory
207	One Horn Player Does Not Make an Artist Community	Nog	Doing pranks, doing bits, running around and being nuts	Quark	For growling, getting Nog out of jail, and generally acting really big
208	Knuck Spanx	Quark	For doing the play-by-play himself	Bashir	For his growing frustration with the empty sauces
209	We're Really Luxuriating in this Maron	?	Moment Shimoda for them not showing Jake & Nog when it pans to the upper walkway	Sisko	For being able to do a lot with little time
210	Apropos of Nothing (But Sort of What We Were Talking About)	Sisko	For his order at Quark's	The End of the Episode	The fact that they just cut to Keiko gasping and cutting to the exterior of the ship
211	Act-Drunk Adjacent	Replicant O'Brien	For his face when told that he and his wife are at home alone that night	Sisko	For holding off on telling Jake that O'Brien is a replicant
212	The Crystal Direction	O'Brien	For just punching the phaser button without caring what it's pointed at	Lady in purple at 40:53	For showing up in multiple shots in a way that breaks continuity
213	A Real Haranguing or Banging Conundrum	Jadzia	Despite a long memory of how diplomacy works, simply telling all these people that they are holographic simulations	Colyus	For being a town bumpkin sheriff who says 'that was my favorite cloak' when they are demonstrating that they are holograms
214	A Really Remarkable Sign	Bolian olds at 15:20	For feeding each other at the Klingon restaurant	Anyone choosing not to destroy the universe	It's universe vs. universe
215	The Sooner We End This Episode The Sooner I Can Stop Looking At You	Garak	For biting a thread with his teeth	Engineer in cargo bay wide shot carrying coffee offering	[--]
216	The Loaf Forgives All	Albino's assistant	For being pointless during the fight scene	Kor	Knocking heads together, having a bunch of ladies together, enjoying the rest of his life
217	But Enough About My Butt	Gul Evek	When he has to wait outside with the body for the entire scene	Calvin Hudson	For his crushing turn at the end
218	Little Beef, Little Pork	Calvin Hudson	For being a foil for Sisko	Calvin Hudson	Because he deserves to have more than one Drunk Shimoda
219	20 mg Gummies Throughout	Quark	Because the security shutters are flimsy	Garak	For getting the drunkest
220	Conspiracy (Plus Ten Years)	The arm/hand coming into the frame at 27m to do double-Kira hands	For having big man-hands like the Seinfeld episode	The arm/hand coming into the frame at 27m to do double-Kira hands	[no explanation necessary]
221	Orb Refractory Period	Winn's purple old dudes	For existing	Bariel	For being contractually shirtless
222	Anachronistic Mustache	O'Brien	For taking a moment to consider a threesome	Boone	For being a chaos agent despite not really doing much
223	It's Like Her Hair Is A Cookie	Jake and Nog	Pulling out isolinear chips in the style of the original Shimoda	Captain Keogh	Terrible strategic thinking
Ep.	Name	Ben's DS	Reason	Adam's DS	Reason
Season Three
224	Perplexing Volume	Odo	For not telling anyone about what was going on inside him	Odo	For being unpredictable
225	Remmick Levels of Intensity	Bashir	For not healing O'Brien's very treatable injury	Kira	For being a third wheel
226	Secret Silk	Gowron	For throwing his pad away	Scene with Quark's financial presentation to the Klingons	For being a genuinely funny, well earned joke
227	Be The Industrial Mixer You Want To See In The World	Odo	For being a fish-out-of-water when whisking	Sisko	For threatening to destroy Trill culture
228	She Puts the Beige in Bajor	O'Brien	For taking a break by not really being in the episode	Garak	For taking it upon himself to kill a person whilst being a guest on an away mission
229	You Can Kill Them With Embarrassment	Quark	For being suckered into buying salvage through ear touching	Odo	Smiling
230	Pubescent Combadge	Bashir	For not thinking about grabbing a phaser until the death rays started back up	Garak	Unnecessarily accusing Dukat of having a crush on Kira
231	Mid-Brand Cigarette	Sisko	For his soft-focus placement in the shot at 19:00	O'Brien	The line read of "Long time between meals"
232	Big Commander Energy	Sisko	Being selectively outraged regarding rules	Sisko and Dukat	For looking at each other and then looking away multiple times
233	No Atheists in a Bajor Hole	Keiko	For stopping in the airlock doorway	Balls Guy	For turning the episode into a circus
234	They Found Him in Berkeley, They Left Him in Berkeley	Biddle	For calling Sisko "New boy"	O'Brien	For not admitting fault
235	Not Purple Sports Car Success	Sisko	For being late in understanding that he was Gabriel Bell	Chris Brynner	Not going through any crisis when making the decision to throw everything in his life away
236	A Very Tough Kouign Aman	Nog	For the way he annouces that "Money is good but women are bett-er"	60 year old Ferengi waiter	For being as old as the Nagus but still working in a bar
237	A Hundred Duck-Sized Odos	O'Brien	For having lots of off-screen fun hangs	Sisko	For the having the latitude and ability to be a chaos agent for good
238	Resting Prophecy Face	Bajoran security guard in the Cardassian ship	For awkward walking, seemingly not wanting to be on camera and for being on a Cardassian ship in the first place	O'Brien	The scene in the jefferies tube
239	Let Go and Let Horse	Red-shirt sitting down at the Carrington Award scene	For being stressed that he didn't offer his seat to a superior officer	Quark	For having a cavalier profound religious experience
240	Top PtaQ	Quark	For only caring about beating fate for profit	Bashir	For failing to see the magic in events
241	A Sarlacc Type of Mouth	Nurse Jabara	For not representing anything but 'Nurse'	Sisko	For not doing anything about Bashir dying
242	Uncle Terrans	Sisko	For taking a whole 5 seconds to recognize his wife	Sisko	For being a sex tourist in the Mirror Universe
243	You Went A to F U	Romulan Tal Shiar officer	For not playing games and answering all of Sisko and Odos questions	Odo	For taking a shot at Romulan tailoring
244	Ask the Husnock (If You Can Find Any)	Garak	For flipping off the room when turning on the torture device	Eddington	For 'Shimoda-ing' the Defiant's cloaking device
245	The Red Hammer Diaries	Morn	For listening in to Quark's conversation with Bashir and O'Brien from the staircase	Morn	Same
246	Space Dish	Quark	For having a squishy head	Bashir and O'Brien	Good awkward moment trying to break into Quark's Bar
247	Tomb of the Unknown Dick	Bashir	For being very concerned hearing that O'Brien is "in the zone"	Bajoran soldier that lost it in the canyon	For losing it in the canyon
248	(Straight out of) Episode 74	Sisko	For his stunt guy looking nothing like him	The art director	For making a sculpture of a dong going through a hole
249	O'Brien Fingers Bashir	Bashir	For his timing in revealing that he had been captured	O'Brien	Incredulity in the face of having 2 changelings in the room with him
Ep.	Name	Ben's DS	Reason	Adam's DS	Reason
Season Four
250	Tout Suite Goop Sweep	Quark	For pouring beer and root beer from the same coffee pitcher	Morn	For his "Fuck this" attitude and being the first person through the door when the bar re-opens
251	Barely Legal	Melanie	For self-inflicting a head wound for attention	Old Jake's Headband	For being jarring and standing out when it shouldn't
252	#ColonGoals	Jem'Hadar that gets given Ketracel White	For very casually administering the White to himself	O'Brien	Making a non lethal weapon to combat the Jem'Hadar
253	Emotionally Vulnerable for the Lulz	Dukat	For his incredibly tight and revealing pants	Dukat	Same
254	Uncle Magic	Bashir	Being the only person sitting down, and angling his chair to watch the drama	Worf	For his description of what his dreams are like
255	They Really Spent on the Sparks	Enrique Muniz	Trying to take his lunch break during an emergency	O'Brien	Nothing super specific, but his leadership style and fun faces when Worf is a dick
256	Alleged Loughlin	Worf	Putting Nog's tooth sharpener in his mouth without disinfecting it	Nog	For asking for, and receiving, a handjob
257	It’s a Neutral Sausage	Soto the Lethean	Being a a dumb and bad fighter	Kor	For saying "No doubt" in response to be told it was an honor to meet him
258	Hoofs in the High Stakes Area	Guy who gets knocked out by a cork	For being 99.95% of the way to being knocked out	Anastasia Komananov	Pulling a folder from under the bed backwards without looking
259	Tour Diaper	Man who looks like Larry David	For looking like Larry David and eating alone at Sisko's	President Jaresh-Inyo	For being a bad president
260	Back to One	Changeling O'Brien	For being carefree and high-spirited - unlike the real O'Brien	President Jaresh-Inyo	For being nearly interesting - but not quite
261	Odo Needs a Dad	Quark	Bad and obvious bug placement	Odo	Not saying anything about his feelings
262	Klingon Thirst Trap	Kira	For advising Dukat argue for Cardassia to be more militaristic	Klingon in boiler room	For waiting to be beaten up
263	Weeaboo But For Klingons	Pakled on promenade Kurn	Carrying around a large amount of cured meat Looking silly in the bio-bed	Boslic that shot Kurn	For shooting Kurn off screen
264	Hair Metal Pinkertons	Quark	O-face in response to the strike	Nausicaans	Throwing darts at each other
265	Dartboard Daddy	Worf	Funny moment saying "Now!?" when hearing Keiko is having another baby	Starfleet extra at the bar at Quarks	Standing out by making a big face
266	The Cal Hudson Altitude	Quark	For not being able to tell the difference between Bashir and Morn	Courtroom bell	For being cut-away from
267	Toolbox Full of Dildos	Bolian at the bar	Doing nothing about the assault happening next to him	No Shimoda given	Episode too serious and dark
268	I Am Not Your Mom (I am "Malibu" Your Mom)	Jake	Being very naive in the Mirror Universe	Doofy Klingon guard	Losing a key in his boot
269	Write Horny, Edit Sober	Jeyal	For mispronouncing his own wife's name	Worf	For sitting completely still for a long time before saying two words and leaving
270	Hard to Hide a Gun in a Bathrobe	Sisko	For maintaining trust in Eddington	Quark	For seeming to not know measurements
271	Measure Twice, See if You’re Cut Once	O'Brien	Being so anti-buffet that he works it into conversations	Virak'kara	For staring at Jadzia
272	Mother Kevorkian	Epran	Behaving like he was being payed off to be impressed	Bashir	Doing street magic medicine
273	Until Your Face is as Blue as Your Shirt	Sisko	Doing bits in the shuttle accident debrief	Garak	Strengthening the crotch of Morn's pants (for his big dick)
274	Gowron Tweeted	Bashir	His attitude saying "Thank you" to the Female Changeling	Starfleet Security in the sixsbay	For nodding at Odo and leaving the room after the Jem'Hadar
Ep.	Name	Ben's DS	Reason	Adam's DS	Reason
Season Five
275	Chekhov’s Poké Ball	Changeling Martok	For knifing guards	Background Klingons	For having fun and being bad background actors
276	USS Patio	Sisko	For trusting Kilana	O'Brien	For breathing mystery gas
277	Up Your Worf and Around the Corner	Bashir	Being stuck cleaning up after everyone else's sex	Worf	For being oblivious to the world around him
278	Emergency Field Urine	Bolian solider	For being Francis Buxton	Kira and Dax	Reaction take during Quark's womb rental speech
279	An Amélie	Rom	For getting the shits from bacon	Rosalind Chao	For having the most fun getting her own episode
280	When You Do Time Crime, You Have To Do The Time Crime Time	Quark	For being the slide whistle ending	Bashir	For suggesting that he fuck his great grandmother unsolicited
281	The Violent Honeymoon Period	Rando Crewman	For not realizing she's on a date until Morn gives her a flower	Bashir	For being aloof while being a fish out of water
282	The Sistine Chapel of Foreheads	Odo	For having zero chill despite knowing how to get out of trouble	Bashir	For doing bits and not giving a fuck
283	The Work of Idiots	Nog	For going to work straight from working out	Quark	For delivering a line facing away from camera
284	The Bajoranchelor	Cassidy Yates	For going straight from jail to star trek caves	O'Brien	For being diplomatic in a faith vs science argument
285	Once a Vigilante, Always a Vigilante	Lupaza and Furel	For whispering behind Kira's back	Security Guard	For getting his ass kicked and not getting an apology
286	Liquor Sherpa	Dr. Mora	For not sending Odo a sick card	Shakaar	For turning into a dope
287	Shampoo Holocaust	Dax	For asking Sisko if starfleet fired him (does she get his job?)	Odo	For throwing monster shade
288	Raktajino is for Closers Only	Enabran Tain	For remaining true to character on his deathbed.	Background Rando	At 13:40 for "Big Mouth Energy"
289	Zeal for Ziyal	Sisko	For deciding to destroy a runabout on very little information	Ikat'ika	For being the only Jem'Hadar with a code of honor
290	Yeomans are for Fucking	O'Brien	For worrying that bashir may overhear praise	Leeta	For agreeing to all suggestions
291	He’s The Dick & The Rubber	Odo	For getting angry at Arissas' handler for giving a spy a dangerous job	O'Brien	For passive-aggressively staying in holosuite character
292	Bar Goals	Quark	For drinking snail juice	Dax	For forgiving Quark
293	You Can’t be a Legate in Tweed	Weyoun	For not giving a shit	Carassian soldier	For staring daggers at a Jem'Hadar in the background
294	Quotient of Shame	Rom	The "Wavier of Profit and Property" gambit	Sisko	For his detachment to a crying Rom
295	It Clears the Dance Floor	Klingon Deployment	For giving a broken ship to a broken general	Sisko	For his detachment to Worf in his office
296	Lt. Coffee	Worf	For "yes and"-ing the kid who asks if he can kill people with a look	Gabriel (that kid)	For being the stereotypical blonde white kid on the wrong path
297	Get it, Player	Security Guards outside Eddington's cell	For being disinterested in the scene that is happening between Sisko and Eddington	Michael Eddington	For lifetime achievement
298	It’s Always Your Birthday at the Klingon Restaurant	Nog	For not using his hand phaser	Andrew Robinson	For his pyscho performance
299	The Kanar 3 Meeting Room	Jake & Nog	For making a terrible wizard of oz reference	Weyoun	Being the villain that is full of zeal
300	The Kanar 3 Meeting Room	Rom	For saying "I have to go to 'waste extraction'".	Rom	For saying "Now?!" about approaching Sisko to perform his marriage.
Season Six
301	Data Season One Hair	O'Brien	For doing bits	Jake	For his incongruity about there not being a freedom of press
302	Dr. Jazz Horse	Jake	For gotcha interviewing his friends	Bashir	For setting himself apart from the violence
303	An Entire Premise Evening	Klingon High Command	For doing bits	Jake	What is he doing?
304	Admiral Belt Buckle	Kira	For confronting Odo without checking for Changeleader	Damar	For microexpressions
305	Faking Flaccid	Morn	For trying to tie a ribbon with gloved hands	Whip-pan	For being a fun camera technique
306	Are You There Prophets? It’s me, The Sisko	Resistance Club	For meeting in public	First fighter to be destroyed during the battle	RSVP
307	Deprivation is First Base	Rom	For freaking out at the fire dance	The Ending of the episode	For everything about it being fun
308	Vagrant Bareil	Extra at the bar	For gawking at the dead religious icon	Extra at :13::40	For reading the mall map with her finger
309	Thirsty for Friendship	Weyun	For being exicited about an anonymous tipster based on no information	Belt Buckles (Admirals)	For considering surrendering to The Dominion based on a Star Trek Online simulation by three people
310	This That Is My Dick	Leck	For being very "Lock, Stock, And Two Smoking Barrels"	Rom	For being naively sweet
311	The Best Ass in Starfleet	(Same)	-	Bashir	For being the one that gets in trouble for doing exactly what O'Brien did
312	May the Fourth…Suck It	Bajoran Women at 4:05	For Thicc Boots	Rando at 7:40 (the actor who played Morn sans makeup!)	For not wanting to participate in the stage performance
313	The Littler The Fruit, The Sweeter The Juice	Willie	For hitting on Bennys' girl in front of him	(Same)	For that and more
314	Ennui About Un-Wee or Worf Poem Blueballs	Nog	For thinking he fixed the computer	Jem'Hadar shooting in engineering	For not watching Hunt for Red October
315	R U Trying to Talk Kanar RE: Damar 2 Me?	Chester the cat	For not liking people sitting in his chair	Chadwick	What are you even doing Chadwick?
316	Tongo Cuck	[ same ]		Bashir	For speed-reading the rules of tongo
317	Wore Out the Netflix	Dax	For her inappropriate party theme	Sisko	For allowing Kira to time travel
318	Kayakodone	Sisko	For ordering Bashir to join Section 31	Bashir	For giving the finger at :04:20
319	Casualty Friday	Sisko	For placing the camera downrange of his acting	Vreenak	Line reading of "It's a faaake!"
320	Nodding on the One and the Three	Cenobite	for gasping at seeing Odo x Kira kiss	Waiter	for dropping his menu device at seeing Odo x Kira kiss
321	Bajoran Ragnarok	Kira	for having a hotel continental breakfast fruit salad	Kai Wynn	for using technology she can't possibly understand
322	There’s No Uhuras in Red Squad	Dissenting Crewman	For not chanting "Red Squad" with everyone else	Zitty Crewman	For having acne in the future
323	Novelty Sombrero	Leeta	For being a bright spot in the episode	Anyone who had the chance to stop this	For not stopping this
324	Cro-Magmolly	Bottle Stabee	for actually being stabbed by a bottle	Lieutenant Jones	for not getting the right eye-lines in a pickup
325	This Charm is a Bucket	@01:16 Jem'Hadar	Jem'Hadar being a civilian	@07:54 extra	for not being in costume
326	The Brown Eye to Cardassia Prime	two guys in backzips	for whatever happened in their careers that they still have those uniforms	Senator Letant (Special Recognition: Weyoun)	for making fun of Martoks' one eye (for being "that guy" every time Dukat walks into the room)
Season Seven
327	Trill Wills	Joe Sisko	for taking his jumbo recipie to his grave instead of teaching it to his son	Bashir	volunteering for a dangerous mission
328	Coincidentally Ankylosaured	Quark	For picking the 'cutting ourselves' moment to show up Klingon	Note writer	For sending 72 year old Brock Peters into the desert
329	Covered in Talc	Rando	for ditching Morn	Jake	for making a pass at a woman in front of his dad
330	Break The Internet, T’Kumbra	Kira	For including Nog as "senior staff"	Odo	Being caught "jacking out" by Kira
331	Amish Makeover	Background alien	For distinctive loaf	Patrick	For flipping between Lenny and Admiral
332	Lethal Minestrone	O'Brien	For pulling parts out of ships	Weyoun 6	For having no fear